We understand, sort of, why NBC did what they did back in January. Jay Leno’s show was flat-lining and affiliates were threatening to run syndication over top of it; that said, Leno remains a big star, someone certain people enjoy watching at any time other than up against Grey’s Anatomy or the CSIs, and allowing him to leave for another network was not an option; Conan O’Brien’s ratings since taking over The Tonight Show were lousy; and no one has any interest anymore in letting pages be turned and new talent get legs.

This last point, in particular, seems to be why The Jay Leno Show even existed: because NBC couldn’t come to terms with the fact that it was time for a new generation of talent to take over, that the late-90s were gone, and that it might be a bit before things picked up again.

They attempted to change horses in mid-stream, sold out Conan, kowtowed to Leno, and horribly embarrassed themselves and their network in the process. How NBC Entertainment President Jeff Zucker held onto his job through all of this remains a mystery.

“But wait!” they have shouted throughout their Winter Olympics coverage. “We have a slew of new primetime offerings premiering after the Olympics!”

What NBC doesn’t seem to understand is that they lost a lot of fans with their handling of the Conan/Jay situation. I don’t know a single person under the age of thirty-five who enjoys watching Jay Leno (and when I say enjoy, I mean actively watches, not grudgingly admits he’s sort of funny sometimes). I also don’t know a single person under the age of 35 who has yet forgiven the network for doing Conan so dirty. We might not have been watching Conan in great numbers before the scandal, but we also didn’t realize he’d only be given seven months. He’ll come back big-time somewhere else, and he will murder NBC when he does. If they thought his supporters and the backlash were bad before, wait until that mother comes strong when backed by another network.

Until that day, however, NBC is murdering themselves with the tired batch of horseshit they plan on airing in Leno’s old spot. People are watching the Olympics, but as soon as they are over, NBC had better look out below.

The Marriage Ref? I realize Jerry Seinfeld is the show’s executive producer, but the host is Tom Papa (one of those nondescript, unfunny “comics” whose specials air on Comedy Central at two in the afternoon on weekdays). Seinfeld’s involvement appears to consist of sitting and joking around with a couple other celebrity guests but not doing much else. The whole thing bears a striking resemblance to when Nelly or Puff Daddy or Master P would executive-produce one of their buddy’s records and try to make people think it was one of their own. The ruse always worked opening week, and then the jig was up. And again, Seinfeld went off the air in 1998.  What’s next, Matthew Perry exec-producing a dating show hosted by his old college roommate?

Minute to Win It? I just read an article saying this show is hosted by Guy Fieri, the amped-up douchebag from the TGI Friday’s ads. What did he do to earn hosting duties for a network show? Cook shitty food and appear in commercials? And what’s this show’s premise anyway? People do stupid shit for a chance at a million bucks? Wow. That’s a very enlightening premise: deep, insightful, uplifting and borderline spiritual. Basically what they’ve done is taken the premise for Fear Factor, eliminated cave spiders and bull testicles, made the tasks jokier, brought on a blander, less interesting host, and are hoping no one notices that they originally cancelled this premise years ago. That’s good work.

I’ll ease up on Parenthood until I see a few episodes. This show actually looks like it might be kind of funny. Ron Howard and Brian Grazer rarely make bullshit (Dan Brown adaptations and The Grinch notwithstanding), and many of the actors are likable enough sorts we recognize from other stuff (good to see Peter Krause, Lauren Graham, and Craig T. Nelson back on TV). If all the show wants to do is jock ABC’s Modern Family, however, then it will be rejected with extreme prejudice. But a chance will be given.

(side note: do you realize the movie Parenthood came out over twenty years ago? Holy shit is right.)

As for the other two ten o’clock hours in a given week? It appears we’ll get Law and Order SVU double-dips and Dateline NBC. Neither choice is particularly inspired, and the same can be said for the entire group.

What NBC means to tell us, then, is that they bailed on Conan to produce two lame reality shows, air reruns and “news magazines,” and release one promising original series. They bought Conan out for millions and promoted Jay Leno back to his old spot (which, let’s be honest, he stole after reneging on a promise) only to trot out retreads, bland “ideas,” and vanity projects (what else are we to call a Seinfeld “production” in which celebrities mock normal folks).

Hopefully they’ll get one of the three right. But then again, I hope nothing. Fuck NBC. They did this, they forsook Conan, and I am curious to see how The Jay Leno Show splits compare with Minute to Win It and The Marriage Ref.

There’s a very real chance NBC went with the greater of two evils on this one. Which almost never happens.